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Monday, March 4, 2013

Tales of a Jack Pine Savage: Poked in the Foot

I've been wanting to do this series for some time now.  My husband's family moved away from their Ohio home and moved to Minnesota in 1980.  He grew up in a wilderness and has lots a great stories that he tells to the kids.  I want to preserve these stories for them.  Note: these are stories mostly of the oldest three boys of the eight children from Kyle's family.  They can be a little risky at points, but this is through the eyes and memories of my storyteller husband.  Some parts may have gotten better over time.  We endearingly call this Jack Pine Savages because that is what an old Minnesota woman called the locals.

Poked in the Foot
Do you remember that feeling you had as a child when you were playing "Hide and Seek?"  When you found that great hiding spot and you were filled with so much anticipation you had to pee?  You couldn't help but giggle nervously to yourself.  (He, He, Ha, Ha)  This happened to me while hiding under some strangers back deck.
I don't remember what gave us the idea.  Whether it was planned the night before, or if it was a last minute spontaneous decision.  I would have to ask my brothers, Kolyn and Kory; but I do remember we had a fourth with us--a friend.  At any rate, we were at that age where the allure of being spies was great.  We had several lakes within a couple miles of our home and decided it would be fun to sneak around and spy on people in their lake homes.
We walked down to our bottom meadow and through maybe a half mile of woods to get to our unsuspecting victims.  When we made it to the row of cabins overlooking Horseshoe Lake we did what any good spy would do and started ducking and rolling and hiding behind any bush, car, or propane tank we could find.  Because the main event had such an impact on my mind over the years, I don't remember how much success we had in finding multiple victims.  But then it happened...We came across a cabin with a deck overlooking the lake and we made our move for it.
We were successful in our dash across the yard as we went unnoticed by the poor unsuspecting inhabitants.  As we rested for a moment to plan our next move, we heard the sliding glass door open and a middle-aged woman stepped out onto the deck.  Coffee in hand, to enjoy the view and breathe the morning air.  That was a mistake!
Tensions ran high as we peeked up between the cracks in the deck.  And all boyhood emotions ran wild as we discovered she was wearing nothing under her robe to hinder a great view from below.  At this point, I will never understand what went through Kolyn's mind.  I don't know if the blood flow left his brain to supply other parts of his anatomy or what.  But, evidently he thought it a good idea to stick his finger through the crack and poke the woman in the foot.
As you  would imagine, this is the point that all "you know what" broke loose.  The woman let out a loud shriek as she discovered she was not alone.  She ran into the cabin yelling, "Harold, there are kids hiding under our deck!"  We knew we were toast.  Like cockroaches when you turn on the light, we scattered.  We bolted for the side of the cabin opposite the lake and dove for the thick underbrush.
Within seconds the man came dashing out the door in his underwear spewing a line of profanity a mile long.  Calling us names that would insinuate our parents were not married when we were born.  To which we were taking mental notes in case we needed this verbal gold to use at school. 
Luckily, if there was one thing we were great at, it was hiding.  I will never forget having to choke back the nervous laughter as the man slowly calmed himself and then proceeded to relieve himself on a bush not 10 feet from where two of us were hiding. 
We waited for him to disappear inside before we regrouped and headed home.  Another day, another adventure.  Life was good!


  1. Cute story. So did Kyle pee under that deck? It's a great idea to write down these stories. And now I'm looking forward to reading more adventures.

  2. Very funny story! If I hadn't known those boys before they moved away I would think it was made up...but I know better and I'm sure they have many more good tales to tell! Oh, and I have a few I could share about them as sweet (not) little Primary children!

  3. hahaha

    Quite a revelation!